Facebook acquires Groupon
In another lightening deal leading up to its IPO, Facebook acquired daily deal site Groupon. "It was time to put that piece of shit out of its misery," said every institutional investor and analyst on Wall Street. Read more
Heywood autopsy performed by British official
UK's Foreign Office makes stunning announcement: not only did Neil Heywood's body undergo a post-mortem examination, it was performed in part by a British official - this fellow, in the raincoat and gloves, with the bear. Read.
No coup in China
Everyone just wants to work for Foxconn. Angry Lau sits down with Bo Xilai, Gu Kailai, and Baghdad Bob.
Read.
Morgan Stanley's Bad Week
Pen knives and prostitutes
Bucking current Wall Street trends, Morgan Stanley is hiring. Managing Director jobs. Lots of 'em. Big money. Prostitute story here. Penknife story here.
Krugman's Depression
He doesn't look or sound well lately. The New York Times should send him on medical leave until he perks up a bit. We'll donate some Adderall.
Read more
Krugman's Marginal Utility (Jan 22, 2012)
Wall Street Psychos
We were very offended by the recent Bloomberg article about CEO psychopaths on Wall Street. Every time we turn around, we're reading about Lloyd this and Jamie that. It gets monotonous. Who do these journalists think does all the work around here? Why don't they write a couple of articles about us? Read more
Whenever we get around to it: Bhagwati's Mania
Jagdish Bhagwati, who writes pretty good English for a guy from Columbia, says things are just fine and advises President Obama to send the rest of our jobs making stuff that you can drop on your foot to China, send the rest of our jobs writing software to India, and focus instead on our innovative retail sector. You can't make this stuff up. We're just going to plagiarize the 819 commenters in the FT, 818 of whom say Bhagwati's an idiot. The other was a wrong number.
The poor misunderstood 1%
Warren doesn't like them either.
Gupta's Dumb Strategy
You'd think a guy who spent years selling strategy would be a smarter buyer of it.
Original Japanese: Very regrettable, inconvenience caused, blah blah, yadda yadda.
Translation: Who the fuck hired that Woodford guy?
Corzine: What goes 'round
Anybody seen my $600mm $1.2bn?
Drexel don't die
And Olympus don't lie
Raj
He should have run.
Notre Dame's Rudy
The SEC gets him for pump and dump. We'll hire him.
Schiff the Stiff
The guy who wanted the banks to fail wants Ron Paul to be your President. Nice.
We Are Wall Street
OFF WALL STREET
We are Wall Street. And you’re not. It’s our job to make money. If we can’t, we’ll get The Ben Bernanke to print it. Can you do that? We didn’t think so. Like one of our buddies said, whether it’s a commodity, stock, bond, or some hypothetical piece of fake paper, it doesn’t matter. We would trade baseball cards if it were profitable. Remember how we crash landed those pumped-up Asian currencies in 1997? Think that didn’t help Wal-Mart? And that’s where you shop, isn’t it? So quit your bellyaching. We didn’t hear America complaining when the market was roaring to 14,000 and everyone’s 401k doubled every 3 years. It doesn’t matter if that’s fake money. Money’s money. The Dow was 1,500 twenty five years ago. Say thank you. And don’t give us any of that nonsense that it’s your savings we’re playing with. Let me ask you something. You’re going to make a loan to General Motors? No. You can’t do that deal can you? And what’s good for General Motors is good for America. You need us. You need us in a Jack Nicholson kind of way. ...
Some shameless advertising
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We can raise $2.5bn for this guy - 8% fee; no lock up period
Let's face it, America, if that piece of shit Groupon can get you to dig deep into your bank accounts, you are dumber than we thought. So we want to help you diversify your portfolio with a company that guarantees never to offer you a discount on sushi and has the negative correlations you'll love when Groupon put options start trading.
We are Wall Street. And you’re not. It’s our job to make money. And if we can’t, we’ll get The Ben Bernanke to print it. Can you do that? We didn’t think so. 
